When refinishing the bathrooms (specifically the stalls) please make sure the toilet paper dispensers mounted onto the wall have a flat top; I do not like the sloped tops I often come across. I'd like a makeshift table where I can place my cellphone, water bottle, etc. It simply makes the experience better.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Oh-wee, oh-wye.
While writing a final paper on the saliency of class in 20th century America, I decided to listen to some American tunes. Toward the end of a Pete Seeger compilation, "If I Had a Hammer," I ran into this great song "Arrange and Rearrange." In this great tune, Pete and a friend sing about the evershifting nature of life. They also instruct children to swear.
"Perhaps the biggest change will come
When we don't have to change much at all.
When maniacs holler 'grow, grow, grow'
We can choose to be small.
The key word may be 'little,'
We only have to change a little bit.
Eat a little food, drink a little drink,
And only have to shit a little shit.
Oh-wee, oh-wye, and only have to shit a little shit.
Oh-wee, oh-wye, and only have to shit a little shit."
Pete follows this with a little clarification.
"I know you have been told, 'you will not say that word in this house.' But you're not in that house now. We're trying to save the world. And you know its not the words people say that are the problem. It's the bad things people do, and grown ups are doing most of them, right? So sing it again!"
So friends, next time you shit a little shit, just know you're saving the world.
"Perhaps the biggest change will come
When we don't have to change much at all.
When maniacs holler 'grow, grow, grow'
We can choose to be small.
The key word may be 'little,'
We only have to change a little bit.
Eat a little food, drink a little drink,
And only have to shit a little shit.
Oh-wee, oh-wye, and only have to shit a little shit.
Oh-wee, oh-wye, and only have to shit a little shit."
Pete follows this with a little clarification.
"I know you have been told, 'you will not say that word in this house.' But you're not in that house now. We're trying to save the world. And you know its not the words people say that are the problem. It's the bad things people do, and grown ups are doing most of them, right? So sing it again!"
So friends, next time you shit a little shit, just know you're saving the world.
Friday, March 27, 2009
It's time.
It's time I had these well-documented. Thanks to friends/various other sources. Without further introduction, here are some Animal Puns, better read out loud...
- you otter know
- for goodness snakes
- gopher the gold
- mice to see ya
- whale done
- owl, you hurt me
- toadally awesome
- I lost narwhal-let
- I'm mantis-ipating your arrival
- stop gibbon me crap
- I didn't do that on porpoise
- Giraffe a nice day
- Lance Armstrong is going to race in the Tortoise-France again
- gorilla me a cheese sandwich (I stole this one from a knock knock joke book I had as a child)
- Lion up and dance
- get trout of my garden!
- The weather is quite pheasant
- I'm wearing macaque-ies today!
- that film got a raven review.
- can you sparrow me some change
- I did it for the halibut
- I wish I cod see her tonight.
- Ostrich out my legs before running
- Crow away/I don't want to crow up
- Jackal all trades
- We mustang out again soon
- A Koala-ty school.
- a walrus-spected man
- Alpaca you a sandwich
- Ouch, I pulled my hamstering
- must ox for your permission
- Iguana go sealion king this weekend.
- the psychic practiced pelican-esis
- I have for-gibbon ye.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Beards
Perhaps I'm envious because I can't grow a nice beard. Or perhaps I'm just an asshole, but hey, your beard looks dumb. Sure facial hair is cool, just look at Eric Dolphy. No denying that man had some awesome facial hair. But a full beard, I don't know. If you want to sport a beard in style, please consult these guidelines:
1. Length of Chin Rule
Sometimes one needs a beard. The easiest way to tell if you, the reader, are in need of a beard is by measuring your chin. Please consult a mirror before reading further.
Welcome back. I hope you and your chin connected on some sort of new level. Now I'd like to address the five types of chins. Hopefully you'll be able to identify with one:
- No chin. Your chin simply isn't there. Rather, your head is sort of pin-shaped, and your mouth is sort of the go between guy for your head and neck. Don't worry though, I'm sure the gods have compensated for your lack of chin with some other wonderful talent or quality...right? The good news is you pass the beard test. A beard can define a chin even in the chin-absence. Congratulations, and my oh my you need a beard. Grow that immediately.
- Too much chin (a). Sometimes you might have a lot of chin. Sometimes it's genes, sometimes you might just get hungry. There's no blame in either. I ate pre-packaged French toast sticks this morning. I feel for you. If you have a lot of chin, or a couple extra chins, why not cover that up with a grisly beard? Nothing turns shame into pride like a manly beard.
- Too much chin (b). This is not really a double chin. This is a whole lot of chin. I'd like to call it "the Gaston Model." Please observe the picture to the left. This is a Gaston chin. If you have a Gaston chin, you are blessed. You have the most beautiful chin one could ever dream. As manly as a beard may be, it has nothing to add to such a well-crafted chin. This is already as macho as it gets. If you are the proud owner of a Gaston chin, I highly advise you not to grow a beard. You were born with a gift, and it'd be a shame not to let the world revel in its glory. However, if you really want to grow a beard over your shapely chin, please consult the later rules to see if it's in your best interest.
- The cleft. Some may call it a butt-chin, others a dimple, but I like to call it damn good looking. If you have a cleft, it's the next best thing to a Gaston chin. Don't cover this up with a beard, it's just too sexy. And if you have a Gaston length chin with a cleft...my god. You probably aren't even reading this blog. You're probably fighting off ladies left and right. Once again, if you're too tough a dude not to grow a beard, please consult the later rules.
- The normal chin. You're just a normal guy. And that's a good thing. However, the choice to beard or not isn't as easy for you as it may be for others. Do you want to stick out from all the other normal chins? You might want to risk growing a beard. Keep in mind that you simply cannot get away with beardage unless you qualify for a beard in other categories. So, young hopeful, read on.
2. Age
This is an easy one. If you're under 50, you need a beard warrant. You'll need to see if you pass the later tests. If you're 50 or over, welcome to the world of beards. I don't care what type of chin you have. If you wan that beard, grow it. You've earned it alongside that AARP membership. Whoever said it's no good to get old is a crock.
3. Occupation
This isn't as easy to define. Few occupations allow for a beard, while most do not. Here are a few examples you may use to orient yourself. If you are a wizard of sorts and you do not already have a beard, shame on you and your family. If you are a professor or a Mensan, then go for it. If you are a doctor, keep it clean. If you are a professor of computer sciences, I revoke your beard-growing rights. If you're a hipster, you're not too righteous or nonchalant to shave. If you work some form of hard labor, beard. If you can't afford a razor, make up for it with the best damn beard you can grow. If you are a college student, you get a free two week trial beard growing period. If you grow the beard past the acceptable two weeks without the proper chin structure, you are a schmuck.
4. Hair color
Redheads are the only exception to the rules. If you have red hair, grow a beard. I don't care how old you are, what your occupation is, chin size, etc.
5. World Beard and Moustache Championship Competitor
Best of luck to you, there's some really stiff competition. Grow with passion.
6. Female
If you are a female with beard growing capabilities, do it.
Brian Posehn represents the ultimate beard grower. An unlikely combination of no-chin and too much chin as well as the red hair, Posehn has what all beard growers should strive to achieve.
1. Length of Chin Rule
Sometimes one needs a beard. The easiest way to tell if you, the reader, are in need of a beard is by measuring your chin. Please consult a mirror before reading further.
Welcome back. I hope you and your chin connected on some sort of new level. Now I'd like to address the five types of chins. Hopefully you'll be able to identify with one:
- No chin. Your chin simply isn't there. Rather, your head is sort of pin-shaped, and your mouth is sort of the go between guy for your head and neck. Don't worry though, I'm sure the gods have compensated for your lack of chin with some other wonderful talent or quality...right? The good news is you pass the beard test. A beard can define a chin even in the chin-absence. Congratulations, and my oh my you need a beard. Grow that immediately.
- Too much chin (a). Sometimes you might have a lot of chin. Sometimes it's genes, sometimes you might just get hungry. There's no blame in either. I ate pre-packaged French toast sticks this morning. I feel for you. If you have a lot of chin, or a couple extra chins, why not cover that up with a grisly beard? Nothing turns shame into pride like a manly beard.
- Too much chin (b). This is not really a double chin. This is a whole lot of chin. I'd like to call it "the Gaston Model." Please observe the picture to the left. This is a Gaston chin. If you have a Gaston chin, you are blessed. You have the most beautiful chin one could ever dream. As manly as a beard may be, it has nothing to add to such a well-crafted chin. This is already as macho as it gets. If you are the proud owner of a Gaston chin, I highly advise you not to grow a beard. You were born with a gift, and it'd be a shame not to let the world revel in its glory. However, if you really want to grow a beard over your shapely chin, please consult the later rules to see if it's in your best interest.- The cleft. Some may call it a butt-chin, others a dimple, but I like to call it damn good looking. If you have a cleft, it's the next best thing to a Gaston chin. Don't cover this up with a beard, it's just too sexy. And if you have a Gaston length chin with a cleft...my god. You probably aren't even reading this blog. You're probably fighting off ladies left and right. Once again, if you're too tough a dude not to grow a beard, please consult the later rules.
- The normal chin. You're just a normal guy. And that's a good thing. However, the choice to beard or not isn't as easy for you as it may be for others. Do you want to stick out from all the other normal chins? You might want to risk growing a beard. Keep in mind that you simply cannot get away with beardage unless you qualify for a beard in other categories. So, young hopeful, read on.
2. Age
This is an easy one. If you're under 50, you need a beard warrant. You'll need to see if you pass the later tests. If you're 50 or over, welcome to the world of beards. I don't care what type of chin you have. If you wan that beard, grow it. You've earned it alongside that AARP membership. Whoever said it's no good to get old is a crock.
3. Occupation
This isn't as easy to define. Few occupations allow for a beard, while most do not. Here are a few examples you may use to orient yourself. If you are a wizard of sorts and you do not already have a beard, shame on you and your family. If you are a professor or a Mensan, then go for it. If you are a doctor, keep it clean. If you are a professor of computer sciences, I revoke your beard-growing rights. If you're a hipster, you're not too righteous or nonchalant to shave. If you work some form of hard labor, beard. If you can't afford a razor, make up for it with the best damn beard you can grow. If you are a college student, you get a free two week trial beard growing period. If you grow the beard past the acceptable two weeks without the proper chin structure, you are a schmuck.
4. Hair color
Redheads are the only exception to the rules. If you have red hair, grow a beard. I don't care how old you are, what your occupation is, chin size, etc.
5. World Beard and Moustache Championship Competitor
Best of luck to you, there's some really stiff competition. Grow with passion.
6. Female
If you are a female with beard growing capabilities, do it.
Brian Posehn represents the ultimate beard grower. An unlikely combination of no-chin and too much chin as well as the red hair, Posehn has what all beard growers should strive to achieve.
I hope these six simple guidelines help you determine whether or not you are fit to beard. I am a cleft man myself, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Top 25 Pavement Songs
A few months ago I read an entertaining blog entry on the writer's top 20 Pavement songs. In light of the recently announced Pavement reunion, I suppose I will compose a similar list. For the betterment of humanity, of course. Oh and I made up the reunion bit.
25. "Shady Lane (Krossover)" - Shady Lane Single
Straight forward single. Why can't we all just get along? Lacks the unnecessary ending found on Brighten the Corners, I wish there was a "Trigger Cut" edit as well.
24. "Zürich is Stained" - Slanted and Enchanted
It's short.
23. "Pueblo" - Wowee Zowee
Great dynamics. He sounds pained. It's straight forward and delightful.
22. "Embassy Row" - Brighten The Corners
This gem almost makes up for all the spontaneity and energy that Brighten the Corners lacks. Bonus points for working "dashikis" into a song, and of course "where is the savoir-faire?" ranks with the best of Steve Malkmus' lyrical output.
21. "Harness Your Hopes" - Spit on a Stranger
I don't know why Pavement chose not to include this catchy-as-hell b-side on Terror Twilight, an album which, for the most part, lacked any sort of Pavement feel. "Harness Your Hopes" sticks in my head for days at a time. The free flowing lyrics make for a great car drive sing along. "Show me a word that rhymes with Pavement/ and I won't kill your parents/and roast them on a spit."*
*Enslavement, by the way, but I'm sure Malkmus has heard by now.
20. "Silence Kit" - Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain
"Silence Kit" opens the most cohesive Pavement album with a half-baked and stuttering riff. It's genius. The song finds its balance and builds to a memorable pop number, setting the pace for the rest of the album. SM calls this an "anti-gossip song" and it makes enough sense to me. Who the hell said there was no meaning behind any Pavement song?
19. "False Skorpion" - Rattled by la Rush
This song is stupid. If there was ever a song meant to be a b-side, it's this one. "False Skorpion" has the spirit of "No Tan Lines" from the Shady Lane single but it's on an entirely different level. The awesome level. "False Skorpion" is a rollicking song built on an angular riff. The song sounds like its going to implode at any minute, and it does at the end, which sounds so unnatural that only Pavement could pull it off in style. "Whenever you misdirect me mama/you're misdirecting a person/you wouldn't want to misdirect." A+.
18. "Gold Soundz" - Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain
A perfect pop song, another summer favorite. The lyrics gives off the same feeling (albeit a bit happier) as "Summer Babe [Winter Version]." I love the guitar bit in the middle and the video is their best. For your viewing pleasure:
17. "Two States" - Slanted and Enchanted
Yeah Slanted and Enchanted and much of Pavement's early output owes itself to the Fall, and its easy to see why frontman Mark E. Smith isn't the biggest Pavement fan. Pavement never denied its influence and even covered the Fall standard, "The Classical" on the later Major Leagues EP. "Two States" is a fine example of the Fall's influence, and the rudimentary but fitting guitar solo is a characteristic Pavement sound that shines through even in a song so rooted in another band's sound.
16. "Kennel District" - Wowee Zowee
Guitarist Scott Kannberg may have only gotten in a few songs here and there, but "Kennel District" ranks with the best of any Pavement song. It's a straight pop song with a steady riff and a good chorus. The earlier version, along with other Wowee Zowee standouts "Grounded" and "Pueblo," is also worth checking out.
15. "Here" - Slanted And Enchanted
A loser's anthem. "I was dressed for success..." No wonder why this is a fan favorite.
14. "Debris Slide" - Perfect Sound Forever EP (also appears on Westing compilation)
I'll take this Nastanovich staple over Slanted's "Conduit For Sale" any day. Sheer sloppy joy. Wikipedia tells me that Bob Nastanovich was born in Rochester, so hometown pride and big ups to that guy. Good job being born.
13. "Box Elder" - Slay Tracks 1933-1969 (Westing)
Another early classic, "Box Elder" was released before Pavement became a full band. Their sound, however, is almost completely present. "Box Elder" is a great motivator, proving one doesn't need a full band to get something great started.
12. "Fillmore Jive" - Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain
A perfect ending to the album, "Fillmore Jive" wails, crashes, pulls, and fades away blissfully. Though the song may not stand as well without the context of the album, "Fillmore Jive" captures Pavement's attitude and feel. "Goodnight to the Rock and Roll era/ cause they don't need you anymore..."
11. "Father to a Sister of Thought" - Wowee Zowee
Pavement's country side. It's among their prettiest and most sad songs. The slide guitar compliments the melancholy vocals. It's a successful and different approach for Pavement and works well in the pastiche of different styles that makes Wowee Zowee a success.
10. "Range Life" - Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain
Another country feel, this is a great sing along and laid back song. As notorious as the Smashing Pumpkins bit is, its the crown of the song and absolutely essential. Like Saves The Day, "Range Life" is through being cool. I really apologize for that reference.
9. "Carrot Rope" - Terror Twilight
Terror Twilight wasn't absolute crap as many Pavement fans may proclaim. "Carrot Rope" may just be the favored son that made the album over the highly similar but equally good "Harness Your Hopes." The song is light and playful with bassist Mark Ibold, Kannberg, and Malkmus sharing vocal duty. It's a good career closer and the ambiguously perverted lines add to the fun.
8. "Trigger Cut/Wounded-Kite at :17" - Slanted and Enchanted
Once again, the poppy falsetto "Sha-la-la's" make a great tune. I could honestly do without the closing seconds of the song, which is really another song (lackluster b-side "Nothing Ever Happens").
7. "Strings of Nashville" - Gold Soundz
My favorite b-side. A lullaby about the perils of the music industry. The guitar is mellow and the wind...oh man. This is a must-hear.
6. "In The Mouth of a Desert" - Slanted and Enchanted
This song hits the feeling right on the head. The title implies much of the lyrical meaning, which gets me down every time. It's bummed out and brilliant with the building solo with the "ooh's" and the crashes of the percussion as the song fades away.
5. "Frontwards" - Watery, Domestic EP
I took the elevator to the fifth floor of the University of Rochester's Rush Rhees library. In the far left corner, hidden among the dingy stacks, there is a study desk surrounded by walls covered in graffiti. I took a seat, and unable to focus on work, read all the dirty scrawled lines surrounding me. I looked directly forward to the back piece of the desk and read "I've got style, miles and miles, so much style that it's wasted - SM." That line is what Pavement is about. Sometimes the University of Rochester isn't as lame as I've led myself to believe.
4. "We Dance" - Wowee Zowee
I love this song. It's pretty earnest and hopeful. Another great opener.
3. "Shoot The Singer (1 Sick Verse)" - Watery, Domestic EP
I have no idea what the opening line means. It kills me too. This song is hard to explain, it's got a great feeling, the vocal delivery is potent, and the guitar works so well. The song's fade is another high point. Outstanding.
2. "Summer Babe [Winter Version]" - Slanted and Enchanted
Sad and lingering, this is Pavement's finest opening track. From Rolling Stone: "According to Malkmus, he was trying to sound like Lou Reed, singing about 'sad boy stuff.'" It's exactly that.
1. "Grounded" - Wowee Zowee
The guitar speaks for the song as well as the vocals. It's got that 90's alt. rock feel that just works. It's epic. Perhaps I relate to it leaving behind somewhat forced plans to enter the medical world, but the song's feel is a lot more than that. It's the best song to crank in the car, late night, driving back from somewhere. It's got the angst any powerful song should have. A golden star on the sticker chart for this one.
So that's it. It took a lot longer than I had planned, but I am pleased with the results.
25. "Shady Lane (Krossover)" - Shady Lane Single
Straight forward single. Why can't we all just get along? Lacks the unnecessary ending found on Brighten the Corners, I wish there was a "Trigger Cut" edit as well.
24. "Zürich is Stained" - Slanted and Enchanted
It's short.
23. "Pueblo" - Wowee Zowee
Great dynamics. He sounds pained. It's straight forward and delightful.
22. "Embassy Row" - Brighten The Corners
This gem almost makes up for all the spontaneity and energy that Brighten the Corners lacks. Bonus points for working "dashikis" into a song, and of course "where is the savoir-faire?" ranks with the best of Steve Malkmus' lyrical output.
21. "Harness Your Hopes" - Spit on a Stranger
I don't know why Pavement chose not to include this catchy-as-hell b-side on Terror Twilight, an album which, for the most part, lacked any sort of Pavement feel. "Harness Your Hopes" sticks in my head for days at a time. The free flowing lyrics make for a great car drive sing along. "Show me a word that rhymes with Pavement/ and I won't kill your parents/and roast them on a spit."*
*Enslavement, by the way, but I'm sure Malkmus has heard by now.
20. "Silence Kit" - Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain
"Silence Kit" opens the most cohesive Pavement album with a half-baked and stuttering riff. It's genius. The song finds its balance and builds to a memorable pop number, setting the pace for the rest of the album. SM calls this an "anti-gossip song" and it makes enough sense to me. Who the hell said there was no meaning behind any Pavement song?
19. "False Skorpion" - Rattled by la Rush
This song is stupid. If there was ever a song meant to be a b-side, it's this one. "False Skorpion" has the spirit of "No Tan Lines" from the Shady Lane single but it's on an entirely different level. The awesome level. "False Skorpion" is a rollicking song built on an angular riff. The song sounds like its going to implode at any minute, and it does at the end, which sounds so unnatural that only Pavement could pull it off in style. "Whenever you misdirect me mama/you're misdirecting a person/you wouldn't want to misdirect." A+.
18. "Gold Soundz" - Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain
A perfect pop song, another summer favorite. The lyrics gives off the same feeling (albeit a bit happier) as "Summer Babe [Winter Version]." I love the guitar bit in the middle and the video is their best. For your viewing pleasure:
17. "Two States" - Slanted and Enchanted
Yeah Slanted and Enchanted and much of Pavement's early output owes itself to the Fall, and its easy to see why frontman Mark E. Smith isn't the biggest Pavement fan. Pavement never denied its influence and even covered the Fall standard, "The Classical" on the later Major Leagues EP. "Two States" is a fine example of the Fall's influence, and the rudimentary but fitting guitar solo is a characteristic Pavement sound that shines through even in a song so rooted in another band's sound.
16. "Kennel District" - Wowee Zowee
Guitarist Scott Kannberg may have only gotten in a few songs here and there, but "Kennel District" ranks with the best of any Pavement song. It's a straight pop song with a steady riff and a good chorus. The earlier version, along with other Wowee Zowee standouts "Grounded" and "Pueblo," is also worth checking out.
15. "Here" - Slanted And Enchanted
A loser's anthem. "I was dressed for success..." No wonder why this is a fan favorite.
14. "Debris Slide" - Perfect Sound Forever EP (also appears on Westing compilation)
I'll take this Nastanovich staple over Slanted's "Conduit For Sale" any day. Sheer sloppy joy. Wikipedia tells me that Bob Nastanovich was born in Rochester, so hometown pride and big ups to that guy. Good job being born.
13. "Box Elder" - Slay Tracks 1933-1969 (Westing)
Another early classic, "Box Elder" was released before Pavement became a full band. Their sound, however, is almost completely present. "Box Elder" is a great motivator, proving one doesn't need a full band to get something great started.
12. "Fillmore Jive" - Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain
A perfect ending to the album, "Fillmore Jive" wails, crashes, pulls, and fades away blissfully. Though the song may not stand as well without the context of the album, "Fillmore Jive" captures Pavement's attitude and feel. "Goodnight to the Rock and Roll era/ cause they don't need you anymore..."
11. "Father to a Sister of Thought" - Wowee Zowee
Pavement's country side. It's among their prettiest and most sad songs. The slide guitar compliments the melancholy vocals. It's a successful and different approach for Pavement and works well in the pastiche of different styles that makes Wowee Zowee a success.
10. "Range Life" - Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain
Another country feel, this is a great sing along and laid back song. As notorious as the Smashing Pumpkins bit is, its the crown of the song and absolutely essential. Like Saves The Day, "Range Life" is through being cool. I really apologize for that reference.
9. "Carrot Rope" - Terror Twilight
Terror Twilight wasn't absolute crap as many Pavement fans may proclaim. "Carrot Rope" may just be the favored son that made the album over the highly similar but equally good "Harness Your Hopes." The song is light and playful with bassist Mark Ibold, Kannberg, and Malkmus sharing vocal duty. It's a good career closer and the ambiguously perverted lines add to the fun.
8. "Trigger Cut/Wounded-Kite at :17" - Slanted and Enchanted
Once again, the poppy falsetto "Sha-la-la's" make a great tune. I could honestly do without the closing seconds of the song, which is really another song (lackluster b-side "Nothing Ever Happens").
7. "Strings of Nashville" - Gold Soundz
My favorite b-side. A lullaby about the perils of the music industry. The guitar is mellow and the wind...oh man. This is a must-hear.
6. "In The Mouth of a Desert" - Slanted and Enchanted
This song hits the feeling right on the head. The title implies much of the lyrical meaning, which gets me down every time. It's bummed out and brilliant with the building solo with the "ooh's" and the crashes of the percussion as the song fades away.
5. "Frontwards" - Watery, Domestic EP
I took the elevator to the fifth floor of the University of Rochester's Rush Rhees library. In the far left corner, hidden among the dingy stacks, there is a study desk surrounded by walls covered in graffiti. I took a seat, and unable to focus on work, read all the dirty scrawled lines surrounding me. I looked directly forward to the back piece of the desk and read "I've got style, miles and miles, so much style that it's wasted - SM." That line is what Pavement is about. Sometimes the University of Rochester isn't as lame as I've led myself to believe.
4. "We Dance" - Wowee Zowee
I love this song. It's pretty earnest and hopeful. Another great opener.
3. "Shoot The Singer (1 Sick Verse)" - Watery, Domestic EP
I have no idea what the opening line means. It kills me too. This song is hard to explain, it's got a great feeling, the vocal delivery is potent, and the guitar works so well. The song's fade is another high point. Outstanding.
2. "Summer Babe [Winter Version]" - Slanted and Enchanted
Sad and lingering, this is Pavement's finest opening track. From Rolling Stone: "According to Malkmus, he was trying to sound like Lou Reed, singing about 'sad boy stuff.'" It's exactly that.
1. "Grounded" - Wowee Zowee
The guitar speaks for the song as well as the vocals. It's got that 90's alt. rock feel that just works. It's epic. Perhaps I relate to it leaving behind somewhat forced plans to enter the medical world, but the song's feel is a lot more than that. It's the best song to crank in the car, late night, driving back from somewhere. It's got the angst any powerful song should have. A golden star on the sticker chart for this one.
So that's it. It took a lot longer than I had planned, but I am pleased with the results.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Bumpin' Salad
A friend sent me this fantastic link to a Wishbone Bountiful Salad Dressing commercial.
Bump.
It features the music of none other than the underground hip hop sensation Spank Rock. Some might call this "selling out." Others might call this "genius media synergy." I fall into the latter camp.
Wishbone salad dressing has some tough competition. For starters, there's the Unilever-threat Kraft Brand salad dressing. I'm not a salad connoisseur, but I hear good things. Then there's the benevolent Newman's Own brand, and I'd be damned if I didn't say I find the label design quite endearing.
It's tough to compete when fun is in the recipe, and that neck ruff...wow.
If Wishbone wants to stay on top, they need to be cooler than Cool Hand Luke. And what better way than with Spank Rock?
Bump.
It features the music of none other than the underground hip hop sensation Spank Rock. Some might call this "selling out." Others might call this "genius media synergy." I fall into the latter camp.
Wishbone salad dressing has some tough competition. For starters, there's the Unilever-threat Kraft Brand salad dressing. I'm not a salad connoisseur, but I hear good things. Then there's the benevolent Newman's Own brand, and I'd be damned if I didn't say I find the label design quite endearing.
It's tough to compete when fun is in the recipe, and that neck ruff...wow.- Spank Rock's YoYoYoYoYo, which features the song "Bump," was nominated for the 2006 Shortlist Music Prize.
- I heard "Bump" in an American Apparel store in New York City.
- It's a fresh angle. Here are some select lyrics from "Bump":
"Hey yo it’s me and Spank Rock
We always poppin’ it hot
He gets the ladies in line
I got you ridin’ my jock
I keep it dirty, not like Fergie
Ain’t the Black Eyed Peas
This shit ain’t happy
I’m trashy, boastful bitch MC
My rhymes are painful and fresh
My pussy’s tastin’ the best
I’m face scratchin’ weed snatchin’
If you’re ready to step
Cos’ I’m a throw down kinda bitch
I don’t play around
See I cut the fuck up
And I knock the fuck down
Pussy pounders have got my back
They all over the place
You can’t get it so you sweat it
We keep that shit laced
Two one five triple eight
We never slip it on the beat
Can’t help it if we roll
We get the players in heat"
I don't think the typical salad dresser would hear these crisp lyrics from the likes of Don Henley. "Bump" offers these consumers the most fun salad on the block. It also introduces them into the world of hip hop. Soon we'll hear 2 Live Crew blasting out of minivan stereos. The hip hop recording industry will flourish, Spank Rock's concerts will be sold out in minutes, and I'll be next in line to buy a Wishbone edition BAPE hoodie. A commercial well done, gentlemen.
We always poppin’ it hot
He gets the ladies in line
I got you ridin’ my jock
I keep it dirty, not like Fergie
Ain’t the Black Eyed Peas
This shit ain’t happy
I’m trashy, boastful bitch MC
My rhymes are painful and fresh
My pussy’s tastin’ the best
I’m face scratchin’ weed snatchin’
If you’re ready to step
Cos’ I’m a throw down kinda bitch
I don’t play around
See I cut the fuck up
And I knock the fuck down
Pussy pounders have got my back
They all over the place
You can’t get it so you sweat it
We keep that shit laced
Two one five triple eight
We never slip it on the beat
Can’t help it if we roll
We get the players in heat"
I don't think the typical salad dresser would hear these crisp lyrics from the likes of Don Henley. "Bump" offers these consumers the most fun salad on the block. It also introduces them into the world of hip hop. Soon we'll hear 2 Live Crew blasting out of minivan stereos. The hip hop recording industry will flourish, Spank Rock's concerts will be sold out in minutes, and I'll be next in line to buy a Wishbone edition BAPE hoodie. A commercial well done, gentlemen.
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